Mental Health Post Breakup: 4 Resources To Use
Mental Health Post Breakup: 4 Resources To Use
In the beginning of February of this year, I went through something that I was convinced I would never have to go through again – I was broken up with on a random Monday after 4 years of dating. Now, don’t get me wrong, looking back I probably did see it coming + had been overlooking many issues that had arisen in the relationship. But, in the moment, I couldn’t have been more shocked, anxious, + heartbroken. While I am still working through this time in my life – this period of new growth, I’ve discovered many resources along the way that have really helped me as I embarked on this journey that I did not necessarily choose. While I do not wish anyone to have to go through this period of pain + longing, I do hope that you find comfort in these resources in the same way that I did ++ that you begin to choose what truly makes YOU happy as you embrace your new *single* era.
Here are the 4 biggest resources I’ve used during my healing journey post breakup:
First + foremost, the number one thing that helped me immediately post-breakup was therapy.
I had already been going to therapy prior to the breakup, but even if you’ve never seen a counselor – I definitely recommend checking out therapy during your breakup + healing journey. Seeing my therapist during my breakup gave me a sense of relief. Even weeks after the initial breakup, I still come out of my therapy sessions feeling like I can breathe again + like I have unloaded a week’s worth of feelings ++ emotions about the relationship with someone who will always listen. While we often turn to our friends + family for advice during this season of life, sometimes it is beneficial to hear opinions + insight from someone who is unattached from the situation.
Check out CHAARG’s guide to finding a therapist here!
Immediately after the breakup, I felt a really strong desire for comfort. This is where I turned to breakup TikTok which actually became a really beneficial + integral part of my healing journey ++ still is a few months later. The breakup side of TikTok reminded me that I was [+ am] not alone in my feelings, in my healing journey, or in my experience, which brought me the comfort that I was looking for immediately post-breakup. Seeing others going through these same intense waves of emotion as me, + still coming out stronger on the other side, was both comforting + empowering for me during the initial season of the breakup.
During the first few weeks of my breakup + even up until now, TikTok was ++ is the only form of social media that I kept on my phone. I knew that if I went on social media, I would be tempted to look my ex up + see what/how he was doing… which I also knew would be damaging to my mental health in the fragile state that many of us are in post-breakup. While I feel like now, I do not have as strong of a desire surrounding social media as I did in the beginning of the breakup season + I would trust myself to redownload it at this point, I have enjoyed my time unplugged so much that I have not redownloaded any social media apps for the time being! Initially, I decided to keep TikTok since it is very curated to the types of content that we want to be seeing, so when I wanted to see only #breakuptok, that was all that I saw ; )
An account that I found through breakup Tik Tok was called theblondeinpink + her breakup TikToks, as well as her podcast, Main Character Moment really helped me during the first part of my breakup journey ++ reminded me that I was going to be okay. I have now listened to all of her podcast episodes + always tune into the new ones every Tuesday ; )
Books were also a place where I found comfort right after the breakup + right now. I discovered a book called Attached. The Science of Adult Attachment and How it can Help You Find and Keep Love by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel Heller, M.A. which is all about attachment styles in relationships. I really enjoyed this book because it helped me learn a lot about my own attachment style + how it was presenting itself in my former relationship. I was also able to identify patterns in attachment styles that I saw in my past relationship + partner. This book helped me reflect on issues that existed with both of our perceived attachment styles + how I can help develop a secure attachment style in my next relationship. I highly recommend this book, I was able to learn a lot about attachment styles, as well as reflect on the attachment styles that my former boyfriend + I brought into our relationship, which helped answer some lingering questions that were in the back of my mind.
Journaling is another tool that helped me a lot, as it allowed me to sort out some really big feelings + emotions that I was experiencing ++ discover that these feelings may change over time. It kept me in tune with my emotions + assured that I was working through things rather than avoiding the tough emotions surrounding the relationship. I found journaling prompts through TikTok + by asking my therapist for healing prompts that I should work through. Check out some of my favorite journaling prompts below!
- One journal prompt that I got from my therapist that helped a lot was creating a list of what I deserve in a relationship. I listed them out after I reflected on them + hung them on my mirror to remind myself of what I am deserving of in a relationship, + reminding myself not to stop until I find what I deserve!
- I also found myself journaling a lot about what I would want to say to my boyfriend, if I were to reach out. This helped me a lot in terms of feeling like I was “getting things off my chest” + really helped me to relax at night since this exercise seemed to clear my mind very well if I felt that I was feeling chaotic or anxious at the end of the day.
- A journaling resource that I purchased was the breakup pack cards from the game “We’re Not Really Strangers,” which came with 50 cards that are intended for people to use when journaling after a breakup. A sample of what one of the prompts is like from the pack is “Write about 3 things that you enjoy about being single.” The cards can be found here: We’re Not Really Strangers: Breakup Edition
While I could talk for hours more listing resources + advice that have helped me over the last few months, these were the biggest resources that brought me comfort when I needed it, but also pushed me out of my comfort zone during my healing journey. I have also been making sure to carve out time for the things that bring me joy + fill up my cup during this time period – things like working out, being outside, spending time with family ++ friends, or even something as small as making myself coffee in the morning that I know that I will enjoy. My biggest piece of advice would be to give yourself grace after your breakup + let yourself feel all of the emotions that come with this period of growth. Know that there is no timeline on healing from a breakup + that it is okay if sometimes you feel like you have taken one step forward ++ then two steps back. You will get through it + look back on the healing journey as a time when you learned a lot about yourself, what you deserve, ++ when you’re ready, even how you want to show up in your next relationship.