Melissa’s CHAARG Journey: I Am A Fighter
Hey you, it’s me again.
This past month has been a challenge to say the least. Some days were harder than others [be honest, you did walk at times] — but you kept those legs moving, adding miles to your goal. You proved yourself wrong + made yourself into a runner.
Best part of it all? You got stronger. Not only physically, but mentally. Every step you took made you better. A better runner, a better you. Continuing to fight off your depression + anxiety with the help of one run at a time.
#CHAARGom started out as strictly 30 minutes of yoga per day. You were comfortable doing yoga. You had done it so many times before. But it wasn’t enough. Wasn’t a challenge supposed to be challenging? Then you realized [light bulb] Elisabeth said 30 minutes of “me time”. The possibilities were endless. So you asked yourself, “What do I love to do?” Answer: create. You decided to spend your 30 minutes a day creating — painting, writing, sketching, designing [you even came up with your next tattoo + a design for a new scarf!].
Going to CHAARG Retreat 2014 helped keep you on track + motivated to keep going. But it wasn’t just about running anymore. It was about you + your journey. With inspiration from the amazing Sarah Clem, you decided it was time to share your story. A story that you never thought you’d tell.
“This weekend taught me that it’s time. Time to share my story. I am a FIGHTER. I have suffered from severe depression + anxiety since I can remember. Literally. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have depression + anxiety. It’s a part of me — but, IT DOES NOT DEFINE ME.
My breaking point was 4 years ago during my freshman year of college. I could feel myself slipping again. When I wasn’t sleeping I was crying. The depression physically hurt my body. It ached every second. Yet, I felt numb. At the same time my anxiety made it so I constantly felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Everything I loved + had passion for [academics, exercise, art, life] had just faded away. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted it to end.
I convinced myself it had to end. I needed to be done. I remember that day in flashes, in pieces. I remember crying on the floor of my dorm room + feeling like I couldn’t breathe. I remember the pills in my hand. I remember my roommate holding my hair back as I got sick in the bathroom. I remember waking up the next morning telling my roommate to never tell a soul. I felt like I had failed.
But failure was my lifesaver. I AM MEANT TO BE HERE.
I know that it may be too many details to read but I feel like sharing my story is important. If it touches just one life it’s worth it to me. I went through recovery, got the help I needed + am healthier + stronger than ever today. Mentally + physically.
Know that you are beautiful + strong + worth it. You are meant to live this beautiful life that we are given. If you ever feel alone or life you are not enough, please talk to someone. Anyone. Someone you trust. I’m here for you all. IT DOES GET BETTER. GOD PUT US ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON.
Thank you for listening.”
So, how do you feel? Healthy [mentally + physically]? Accomplished? The answer is yes — BUT DON’T STOP THERE. There is more work to be done. The work is never over. +CHAARGON+
// PHOTOGRAPHY BY SARAH AT SARAHANDSUNBEAMS.COM //