The Difference Between Selflessness + *Self-Less-Ness*

How many times a week do you do something for yourself? Something that has no ties to anyone or anything else whatsoever? A purely selfish act? If you’re anything like us, you can probably count these instances on one hand. We are taught to be selfless + it’s an admirable trait. But where is the line between selflessness + self-less-ness?

So what is *self-less-ness*? It’s the idea that if we do everything with others in mind [and we mean everything], we are less aware of our *self* + fail to do things for the right reasons. We strive to make the people in our lives happy + forget that our own happiness needs to be a priority as well. When it comes to being happy + healthy, we need to be selfish sometimes. So we’re breaking down a few *selfish* ways to make things personal + not feel bad about it.


Being selfish in goal setting will result in personal goals that you are passionate about + eager to tackle. When it comes to fitness, saying you want to look like a friend//celebrity is not a self-serving way to set a goal. As all CHAARG girls know, being healthy + happy is different for everyone + we need set our #FitGoals accordingly. Goal setting is about what *you* want to change – not about what others want or already have. We don’t need to have the same goals as our friends in order to accomplish them or have a support system. The best support system is a group of *individuals* striving *together* to reach personal goals — a.k.a CHAARG ; )


Between school, work, the gym, + extracurricular activities, there never seems to be enough time in the day to get it all done. We need to be strategic in how we organize our time, ++ that means being selfish with it. Are you an early-bird-gets-the-worm woman or more of a night owl? Are you a morning person not getting the most out of your workout as an *evening exerciser* because that’s the only time your gym buddy can go? It might be time to reevaluate. Chances are, your gym buddy will understand if you have to be selfish with your time + choose to hit the gym in the morning. Choosing your most productive time of day to accomplish your biggest goals will lead to success.


We’re women. Unfortunately, that usually means we are predisposed to comparing ourselves to others, ++ even CHAARG girls are not immune to this *self-less-ness* act. Maybe your best friend scored her dream job, or the girl that sits in front of you in class has *perfect* hair. But it’s important to remember that others’ positive traits do not take away from your own. ++ Even those that we define as *perfect* are battling their own struggles + insecurities, ++ probably looking at you thinking just how *perfect* YOU are. Because we’re all #girlbosses.


Simply put, anything done without passion is not worth doing. You will know you’ve set a *self-less-ness* goal if you’re not passionate about it. Being selfish in goal setting allows you to focus on the goals//ideas//plans that make you happy, healthy, + passionate. It is much easier to channel energy into something you are excited about than it is to devote time to something someone else told you to do.

Personal happiness — not the happiness of others — should be at the center of all goals. Being selfless is an incredible trait to have, but being selfish is just as important. So make it personal + don’t feel about it!

++Briana [@brianam_inchaarg] // VirtCHAARG Orlando

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  • Tammy

    Great post Brianna! If not all of this can resonate with every woman, at least some of it can. I know for me, I spent the first 30+ years of my life doing exactly what this post suggests NOT doing…it isn’t bad to put yourself first sometimes. It actually makes us better women….and that certainly has a positive effect on not only ourselves, but for everyone around us!

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