The First Birthday [In A Long Time!] That I’m Not Totally Scared Of

At 23, I had just graduated + moved back home… I remember thinking, “I’m officiallyofficially an adult… but I’m living in my parent’s house. #SendHelp”

At 24, I decided that I was still “young” — 25 is the year that I’m “old”. GOTTA LIVE IT UP.

At 25, I thought I was going through a quarter life crisis.

At 26, I showed up to my Soul Cycle birthday ride literally sobbing.

At [almost] 27, I’m finally not freaking out [I’M NOT FREAKING OUT! ; )] over my birthday.

26 was a huge year of growth of me. I went through a lot of changes [+ challenges] in all areas of my life. There was a lot “digging deep” + deciding what I truly wanted out of life. While I think big goals + dreams are important, I realized that it’s how you live your everyday life that matters most. A prayer that I’ve been regularly saying [from A Course in Miracles] is:

Where would you have me go? 

What would you have me do?

What would you have me say [+ to whom]?

This prayer has helped me truly “show up” for the day, allowing me to be present to the day’s priorities — no matter how big or small. It has also strengthened my faith that’s there is a power greater than me guiding me. Of course I still face fear, challenges, stressors, etc throughout each day, but I find comfort in knowing that I’m doing the best I can + trusting the process.

I love who I am, who I am surrounded by, + what I am doing.

This is a sentence that I wouldn’t have said last year. I loved what I was doing — yes, but I didn’t love who I was. This caption [from this photo] sums it up pretty well:

I used to get annoyed at people who posted “selfies” because I thought that they were being vain ++ fishing for compliments… but then I realized it was because I was insecure in my skin. I stopped taking photos for a long, loooooong time [+ still get uncomfortable — even though I don’t show it] because of a silly fear. But then I realized — if I don’t take pictures every once in awhile, how am I going to remember this moment of time? I want to remember little moments… likeeeee, my new nose ring [that fell out today, lol], new freckles on my nose + forehead, pimples at the ripe age of [almost] 27, FINALLY embracing “no makeup”, a smile with a crooked tooth that my mom keeps asking about [when are you going to make that ortho appointment?], smaller boobs because #marathontraining, a stomach without abs + I DON’T CARE — I feel healthy, a weekend where I spent most of it by myself [with Stella] ++ loved every minute of it, a time when I decided that Facebook doesn’t serve me, + a day when I was graced with a sign from God that I’m on the right path. I capture moments in my journal, but I want to do a better job capturing them with a camera… or on vid! I am capable + strong + beautiful + courageous + worthy. I AM SO WORTHY. I am creative + doing my best + loving with all my heart + silly + happy. I am curious + have questions + challenges… but I have faith. I’m sharing this for me… but also because maybe you can relate. ++ if you can, I want you to know: You are worthy. You are here for a purpose on earth. Don’t ever forget that.

I think a big part of my growth is due to my 2017 intentions + theme of being courageous. It feels like these intentions are truly manifesting in me, ++ it feels amazing. I’ve ready to stretch myself more.

You get three wishes on your birthday right? [I think I made that up.] Well, if you did… here are my wishes for myself this year:

#1] Live Simply

Magic of tidying it up… it’s haaaaappening! But living simply is so much more than this — it means “simplifying” my life: letting go of noise, a jam-packed schedule, procrastination, half-hearted relationships… ++ instead, only owning//absorbing things that I love or that will make me a better human, + investing in relationships with people who meet me half way on the bridge [as opposed to the — “yeah, let’s get together sometime” that never actually happens]. It’s creating a space, wearing a wardrobe, + using my actions//words to be an extension of my truest self. Love this quote — “have nothing in your house that you don’t know how to be useful or beautiful.” I want everything I own to make me smile.

#2] Be impeccable with my word

This is the first of the “Four Agreements.” If you haven’t read this book — do it. Words matter. “We’re always impacting the world in which we live — through our presence, our energy, our interaction with others. The question is — what kind of impact are we having?” I want to live out my values, ++ make decisions based on my values. It’s important to be okay with saying no, + this is something I’ve always struggled with because I just want to please people. It’s a work in progress. This is also may seem silly, but I want to “speak how I write.” With writing, I’m able to articulate how I feel… but when I speak, I can’t always find the words to properly express myself. Practicing the pause will help with this [I hope!].

#3] Listen to my intuition

I read a TON of self-help books. I recently listened to a podcast when the woman identified herself as a “self-help addict” [I can relate : )]. Then she realized… I can listen to the advice I’m reading, + it will be 50–50 if it works, or I can ask myself what to do, + it will be 50–50 if it works. She decided to start “going with her gut” because intuition is a muscle… ++ like any muscle, you must put in the work with practice before you develop it. I thought this was a really interesting perspective. I still read a lot because I truly love it — but, I want to spend more time in meditation + journal + prayer to see what that little voice inside me has to say. Once I hear it + follow the call, I must surrender ++ let go, + let God.

Besides those wishes, I’d love an endless supply of kombucha + bulletproof coffee, gatorade chews, empowering words, + lots of love. My birthday is August 31st if you want to send a prayer to the big man upstairs that he continues to guide me on the right path. Thanks friends.

PS // 27 is a really freaking cool number. I’m already feelin’ like this year is going to be special.

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