When we start a new relationship, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement + *newness* of things beginning. ++ sometimes, we use this initial happiness to justify early *red flags* that may become issues down the road.
If things don’t go the right or the *exact* way we expected//hoped, we almost immediately look to what we can change about ourselves. This pressure may come from something our partner is telling us, or it may be something we feel obligated to adjust because of our own paranoia that what’s wrong is *our fault*.
Accepting + loving every part of yourself — no matter how quirky or *different* those parts may be — is crucial if you’re going to find a partner that celebrates these aspects with you. These traits aren’t something to hide or change — they are what make you exciting + uniquely *you*!
Your relationship should lift you up + help you grow into a stronger version of yourself, not a different version. If your partner needs to change something about you [or you about them], it may be time to take a step back + reexamine where you are in your relationship. Instead of trying to change//*fix* what you don’t like about your significant other, use your relationship to grow as an individual instead of trying to meld yourself + your partner into the people you feel like you both *should* be.
Too often we focus on what’s wrong or what *needs improvement* instead of supporting our partners + helping them grow more confidently in who they already are. If someone questions + criticizes you rather than helping you realize your value, he//she is probably not worth the energy. Relationships should enhance our lives, not add unnecessary stress!
In situations like this, we may sometimes stay where we are because the stress//unhappiness seems easier to deal with than the fear of finding ourselves alone. But being alone doesn’t have to be such a bad thing — it’s times when we find ourselves surviving + being successful independently that we grow + learn the most about who we are. Don’t miss these opportunities because you feel like you *need* to be with someone — there is nothing wrong with experiencing life for + by yourself. You are enough + you have the power to make your own happiness!
Remember: The most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. People always say that you *need* to love yourself before you can love someone else, ++ it’s true. Instead of trying to make adjustments to fit everyone around you, celebrate yourself + what makes you *you* — everything [+ everyone] else will fall into place : ).
+ Ali [@ali.inchaarg], virtCHAARG girl from Philly