I recently read an article — “The 36 Questions That Lead To Love.” It consists of questions from a study that explored whether intimacy between two strangers can increase by having them each ask each other personal questions that demand vulnerability. Naturally, Sarah + I played this game in an uber back from Boston [fun fact — at the end of the ride, the driver said: I would give both of you guys an A+ in the game of life. Thank you sir.]
A couple of the questions involve friendship — “What do you value most in friendship?” ++ “What does friendship mean to you?” This led to a conversation on how friendships are so easy + carefree as kids… ++ FREAKING HARD as adults. // How qualities we looked for in friends in high school + college are different than qualities I look for now in friendships. // How social media is an easy way to make me feel lonely + bad about not having *enough* friends. // How to find the balance between work + friends + family + “me time” // How it’s easy to be friends with people based on *convenience* — but how do we get out of that trap? // How to even find *new* friends as adults… ++ how to foster them! // ++ the list goes on…
I’m sure you’ve had similar friendship thoughts at some point — it’s a very *human* thing to do. We all want to be accepted by others… we are all looking to be seen, known, + heard. Most of the time, though, we are doing this out of an insecure identity. Who knows that person that just wants to be *invited* to the party? They don’t actually want to GO to the party — they just want the invite to know that they are accepted + loved.
It’s time to build our own crew, people! Thankfully, it should be relatively easy considering we have thousands of girls in the CHAARG Community. ; ) My challenge for you guys this week is to take time to answer these three questions…
#1] What does the perfect *crew* look like to you?
What kind of community do you want to be a part of? [I’m hoping CHAARG fits in there somewhere ; )] Do you want to be in a community filled with creatives — artists, photogs, designers… going on crazy outdoorsy adventures? Do you want to be in a community filled with people who are crazy about self-growth — who love yoga + meditation + reading? Do you want to be in a community field with people who are passionate about food — who love cooking, going out for dinner//drinks, sharing stories around their meals? Dream up what your perfect crew looks like ++ what adventures you guys are doing together.
#2] What do you value most in friendships?
Even more specifically — what *qualities* do you value most in friendships? Is it loyalty? Reliability — someone who *shows up* when they say they will? Someone that makes you laugh? Someone that inspire you to be a better person? Someone who supports you through the thick + thin? Someone who is *always present* — who would drop everything to be with you? Someone who gives you space, ++ that you can pick up *just where you left off* whenever you hang out? Someone who doesn’t judge you? Of course these are all great qualities — but what are your top 3? What do you value MOST?
#3] What CHAARG girls [virtually or in person] appear to represent the qualities you are looking for in a friend?
REACH OUT! It’s so easy to scroll through #CHAARGFITPLAN + #inCHAARG — put those *stalking* skills to use, girlfriend. While social media isn’t an accurate description of the fullest expression of who someone is, the CHAARG Community [#inCHAARG instas] gets pretty darn close. ++ if you are using your #inCHAARG insta in the way it’s intended to be used, I can guarantee that you’ll find your tribe. We’ve heard of SO MANY virtual friendships that have turn IRL friendships. ++ that makes us so, so happy! If you feel awkward directly reaching out to her [which you shouldn’t!], ask someone who knows her [look up your mutual friends on FB!] to introduce the two of you!
Apparently, it takes 6-8 experiences with someone before you feel like you’re *friends,* ++ the trick is to create experiences outside of the community you are a part of together. For example — those of you who are in a CHAARG Chapter, you + your small group meet regularly once a week, + I’m sure you’d consider yourself friends with them. However, once your small group changes next semester, will you still be *friends* with the people who were in your previous small group? Maybe not. It’s important to hang out OUTSIDE of small group — grab one-on-one coffee, watch a baseball game together [Go Cubs Go ; )], or have a spa night. It’s all about consistency. We need to make time for the things + people we love [create memories!] — friendships don’t just happen.
++ Lastly, it’s so important to be vulnerable in order to have a deep friendship. Life is too short for superficial relationships. It’s easy to get caught up in social media ++ feel like you need MORE friends, but in reality — it should be about the quality of friends you have.
I’d love to hear any experiences, tips, or questions you have regarding friendships as an *adult* [eeeeek! : )] — comment below!